Heart of Worship shook me up like an 8.9.

 “When the music fades, and all is stripped away…” A certain song was with me for about a year. It was a symphony, a classic, a rock n roll, a mellow song all at the same time. I’d always been happy to have it. Thankful at most times that I found something new that would give a different promise in my future. It gave me a feeling of pride & great expectations. It made me walk on clouds. It had the potential of altering almost everything in my life had I decided to give in to all of it.

However, the song had to fade, just like any other song. It played its last chorus, and strummed its last verse. The last note was the saddest because of the silence that came after.

“I will simply come…longing just to bring something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart”    NO. Me=Stubborn. I suddenly became the epitome of stubbornness. One and the same. Me=Stubbornness=Hardheadedness. I really can’t come. Not simply or even in complicated form. The frustration was unacceptable. The loneliness was just so strong. The pain, plainly relentless and excruciating. The one thing that the Lord has taught me even before I got my song, is to stop hypocrisy specially against my own self. I can’t be a hypocrite before God because I would already be found out even before I even plan to. But my own self, this is the one person I can easily deceive.

“I’ll bring you more than a song, for the song in itself is not what you have required. You search much deeper within, with the way things appear, You’re looking into my heart.” I need to come despite the emptiness. I need to bring this brokenness, but I can’t get up and walk. No more strength left. No more encouraging ideas. No more sunshine to touch me and wake me up. Utter depression has weighed me down.

“I’m coming back to the heart of worship, cause it’s all about You, it’s all about You Jesus. I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, cause it’s all about You, it’s all about You Jesus.” Life is not about me. It’s all about You, yet You bothered to make it about me when You gave Yourself for me on the cross. It was no trivial act. It was a matter of life and death. If You loved me that much, I know I can trust You, even if life is not really about me. You’re the source of everything and I hope I can go back to worshipping You and thanking You and praising You. And singing Your song …not mine.

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