Have you ever tried asking God so many questions because you just couldn’t understand? One “why” pops up before one is even uttered?  “Why did it happen?”, “Did I ask for it?”,  ”What did I do?”  Have you ever requested something from Him and yet you only get silence, which seems to mean wait?  Or have you even received a NO and struggled to understand the logic behind? 

I have.  The process is strenuous.  I ask, beg, bargain, argue until I decide to step back.  In the end, even if God doesn’t give in to my incessant clamoring, I feel relieved.  It’s because of the hope that I get as I spend time in that powerful presence.  It’s because I know He understood, that I had to let my heart out without the risk of being misinterpreted. It’s because I know He still loves me, sacrificial, unconditional as well as sanctifying.  And that I have conceded, accepting that He knows better than I do. 

Let me share what Philip Yancey said about Jacob’s wrestling match with God:

“Our no-holds-barred outbursts hardly threaten God, and sometimes they even seem to change God.  As the touch on Jacob’s hip socket proved, God could have ended the match at any point during that long night in the desert.  Instead the elusive figure lingered, as eager to be held as Jacob was to hold.”

Just like Jacob, I want to hold. Strongly and firmly until He blesses me with His presence.

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